Open sea

It’s been a day since the word ‘veer’ was posted at Pink Ink Workshop in the Outrageous Vocabulary forum… and I’ve been thinking hard on that word, chewing on it. I immediately loved it’s meaning, especially the turning toward the course of the sun. I thought what a lovely image that is, with obvious spiritual connotations, but I wasn’t suspecting anything beyond that.

This morning brought feelings of shame in my recognition of a deeper association with this word veer. As I walked and considered veering, and my desire to be on course, I saw myself as a small boat, one who was choosing to sail close to land rather than in the open sea. At first I thought nothing much wrong in this, and then the land forms, islands, began to take on labels of things that I was returning to and circling around and enjoying the waters of. And that’s where the shame crept in.

That’s when I knew my walk would be one of repentance and forgiveness, which interestingly is what repentance is about… a turning from, a veering away from and setting a course toward something else. In my case, the repentant veering was to be about the repetitive patterns of jealousy and envy in my heart that I steered my boat dangerously close to.

As I walked and thought through this ugly reality, I recognized other islands of shame… pride and conceit were also in my archipelago of dishonour. I named it all… out loud. At first I thought that asking for forgiveness was enough, and asking for change. But I realized that for me anyway, I needed to speak it out first… own my lies, own my dirt, and then ask for forgiveness and the supernatural power to veer my small boat of a life toward the course… of the Son.

The walk was good today. I met God there. I was real with him… no masks or excuses today. I saw the instances in my life both long ago and recently where I chose to sail in dangerous waters, close to reefs that could have capsized my boat. Sometimes there was an awareness of where I sailed, other times I just found myself there, with guilt and shame and trying to adjust my sails alone. Sometimes I even moored there for a while.

But today as I worked this all out with God, I realized that the course I want to set for myself is directly into the open sea. I believe the course of the Son is where I am to be. I believe he has so much more for me than were I to remain in the shallows of islands that offer some sort of sick attraction for a time. He has uncharted waters, exciting destinations, and navigational expertise that I can’t even imagine.

I know my boat has a tendency to get off course and that I will continue to veer to correct it. But, I desire to set my compass to true north - and follow that course.

Sheets unfurled, spyglass in hand,

Lesley-Anne

Simply Irrelevant

Do you ever get frustrated trying… not the frustration of trying to do a certain thing, but just frustrated with trying? I mean the energy it takes trying vs. just doing what comes naturally, what comes from an outpouring of who you are, rather than a striving to be more, be better, be more effective, be excellent.

Maybe I'm offending some here, but I find there is so much out there about being relevant, and effective and making a big influence, and not so much about the humility of being who you are, living in the moment and doing what needs to be done, well. It's a hyped up Christian world sometimes… on steroids at times… and while I understand the need to read authors that pump you up, attend conferences that take you to mountaintop places, I also recognize that we need to come down to the real world and live.

So, my point it this, if we are to live our lives like Jesus, would he be all over this excellence thing? Did he run around to various seminars, read the best sellers and spend time networking with the top people in order to get his message across? Nope. He simply lived, and walked and talked with people… yeah, the people that he met each day in the market, on the streets, and who he ate and drank with.

So maybe, just maybe, I should like that too. Rather than the rushing from one great opportunity to the next one, one visioning meeting to the next, I should simply put on a pot of coffee and visit with my neighbour? Or, chat to the cashier at the grocery store, look her in the eye and ask her how she's doing? Or wave when someone lets me in in traffic? Or thank the mailman for bringing my junkmail.

I don't know, maybe that's just me, but I think we/I make too much of myself sometimes. Yeah, I'm an annointed, chosen, forgiven, princess of the almighty God. But, I'm also a simple woman with a sphere of influence that starts at my own kitchen table.

Just thinking…

Peace.

Lesley-Anne