Sleep eludes me.
My spirit engulfed by guilt, grief and loss
I rise before dawn and walk to the garden alone,
The garden is cool
and the sweet smell of jasmine hangs in the air,
I want to escape from the realities of day,
that You are dead
and our love dead with you.
The false loves of my old life haunt me.
What will happen to me now?
The events of the past week play out in my mind.
From joyous celebration to sudden death and I,
weak willed bystander, fair weather friend,
watched from the sidelines.
I fall to my knees, prayer-less, powerless, broken.
I feel a presence before I hear a sound.
Someone is standing close to me.
A gardener arriving before the heat of day?
“Who are you? What do you want?” I ask.
A moment’s silence, then a single word is spoken
I look up in confusion.
Is this someone’s cruel trick or is this a ghost?
Yesterday he was unrecognizable, yet he stands
before me now without a mark on him.
There is no denying His voice.
Astonished, I rise to my feet
and look into the eyes of my beloved.
He touches my face with warm fingers
He smiles with understanding.
My heart breathes
as I enter his holy embrace.
And then, with the lightness of fresh knowledge and freedom
I turn, laughing with delight
and run to tell the others.
“At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus. He asked her, "Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?" Thinking he was the gardener, she said, "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him." Jesus said to her, "Mary." She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, "Rabboni!" (which means "Teacher"). - John 20:14-16
Prayer: Jesus, like Mary I am overwhelmed by your death on the cross. Sometimes I forget that you died to take away all of my sins, no exceptions. Help me to receive your Easter gift of total forgiveness. And help me to live in the grace-filled freedom that you promise me. Amen.
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