Look at You

I saw you today as you walked towards me, I mean I really saw you. So handsome, so pleased with your new haircut, and so unaware of how you looked to me. You took my breath away. My son, no longer a baby, no longer even a little boy, but suddenly a young man.

My heart welled up within me as, in that instant, I realised the passing of time and the result of the years. And how intensely I loved you, and wished that I could freeze-frame that moment of time. You had no idea, of course, as you smiled and said, do you like my haircut mom? Like it, I said, I think it’s fantastic. You look wonderful. Thanks, you said, shy smiling, blue-eyed boy of mine.

And as I reflect on you and how the years have flown by, I have to wonder where will we go from here? Time will march on, and you will continue to grow away from me. You will find your independence, your passion, your purpose, and it will all be without me, just as it should be. But oh, how it hurts. How I wish it wasn’t the way of growing up. How I wish I could stay here with you always. Melancholy mother, I know, but the heart is not logical. It loves, it feels, it remembers and it cries.

So for a little while longer I will try to prepare you for your future, give you the tools that you will need, offer the advice that you may take, and point you in the direction that you may choose to go. I’ll make mistakes and forget some things, but my mother’s heart knows that God’s grace will cover all my inadequacies. And then it’s a matter of trust after that.

Then I will stand back and watch you go with God, my son.